You Choose Your Reality

Every single one of us has the ability to change our minds.

A concept so overused and seemingly simple, and yet the implementation of this seems to elude many. Why, when it has been reinforced over and over and over again by hundreds of religions and rituals, spanning across centuries, spelled out for us time and time again, do we seem to almost relish marinating in the exact opposite behavior? Choosing to fall into patterns of stagnation and dissociation, for ease, for comfort.

When I was 4, I wanted to be an astronaut. When I was 7, I wanted to be a writer, when I was 10, a professional horse jumper, when I was 16, I wanted to be an entrepreneur then politician. At 18, I wanted to study International Business, at 20, I decided I wanted to graduate early and be done with school (it wasn’t a match), heading off to work in sustainability. At 21, I decided to quit my job and move to Amsterdam to settle down. At 22, I realized I wanted to travel and had no idea who I was. At 23, after falling in love with numerous countries, stories, hobbies, cuisines, and so on, and growing my career remotely, I realized no matter what I did, the only way to become in alignment with myself was to pause for the first time in my life, and sit. In silence. With myself. And go inward. Terrifying.

This moment of enlightenment came after a series of months traveling once every few days, attending festivals, working in person with executives that would balk whenever they saw a child coming in to tell them what to do, losing loved ones, and proceeding to run away screaming (figuratively & literally) from a connection deeper than I had ever experienced. One that would require me confronting myself and finally accepting that avoidance, and complacence, were not the solution… All this time in jungles and on planes was me absolutely living the h*** out of life, while also running away from it. I wasn’t present nor truly myself for it. I seemed to believe that I could become satisfied and happy if I could accomplish and experience literally everything.

I remember sitting down one day at this little hand-built wooden stand in Belize, the tall scruffy man with a bandana wrapped around his head looks at me with a big toothy grin and a shine in his eyes; music blasting behind him. He grew up in the jungle, then moved to Hopkins to earn enough money to support his family. His son had survived severe burns as a baby, and to save him he was sent to America to repair his nerves. As you can imagine, that racked up a hefty bill. And so he came and built this restaurant from a singular giant tree from deep in the jungle. He cut it down before assembling it to become the stand which acted as his own restaurant, living room, and bedroom. All in one. And I will tell you, I have never seen a happier man.

So when he said, you choose your reality, you create your happiness, I felt he was the most qualified individual I had ever met to make such a statement, and that I had better listen.

A lot of changes were made after that, and it wasn’t all smooth sailing. But my choosing to recognize my reality, my mentality, and my choices, has allowed me to reach the point where I am today.

Many, if not all, of us go through these periods of different goals and interests. The actions we take to reach them are what shape and define who we currently are today. Our ACTIONS make us who we are today. As you read on, I would like you to keep that concept in the back of your mind.

Let’s talk about anxiety for a moment. You may shiver at the word, you may be rolling your eyes right now at just the mention of it, but you HAVE heard of it. Probably ad nauseam at this point. Anxiety was once a fear factor that kept us alive, motivated to find our next meal, shelter, etc, to which we would respond with activity.

However, today, it has evolved into something else. Pause for a moment to reflect on the concept of a supermarket. Seemingly limitless variations of food, whatever you want, they probably have it. Today, that is the norm. But back when the great emperors of China, or the powerful Queen Cleopatra, ruled, no money in the world could gain them access to such luxuries. You’re probably thinking, okay obviously we humans have evolved, why is this relevant?

Well, this is why. Historically, we were driven by a mission. We had no time to overthink, all we had in life was our ability to be in tune with our inner drives. Today, those in first world countries already have access to everything. Which leaves us with an excess of time to overthink, to become anxious, as we float along paths of optimized emptiness.

Have you ever played a game where you master a level that was once a challenge, it becomes easy and satisfying at first to repeat and reap the rewards, but after a while, you become bored and empty, unsatisfied and restless. It is similar to that. We see individuals dissociating from themselves and their reality by spending hours on their phones, mindlessly scrolling and avoiding creating their own aligned and curated reality.

Except now, it is our reality. So what do we do? How can we come back into alignment with ourselves to overcome this anxious, dissociated dissatisfaction?

The need to dive into ourselves, deeper than ever before, to come to understand what our mission is. In this lies both a blessing and a curse.

Anxiety now roots from something different than we had known. With that, we now have the opportunity to exist in a manner that is true to ourselves, as individuals, instead of a matter of collective survival as a species. It can now appear when having too much time on our hands that is not being invested in one’s reality, not from a matter of survival. To reach an existence of peace and contentment, we now have a new challenge to face. For as it is with the universe, there will always be a balance.

This new challenge can be as follows:

1. To realize our state, to pause. To find silence. (This is a concept of meditation).
2. To be introspective. Sit with the discomfort.

We don’t want to feel pain, it’s uncomfortable. This is why we drink, why we doom scroll, and so on. It is escapism, and our generations are masters of this. We know that sitting with ourselves, our thoughts, is going to be hard, it will require effort, and discomfort.

Find the strength to sit in silence, find the bravery to know you are about to experience something uncomfortable. Speak to those parts of yourself which have been neglected, shoved down, ignored, and bring them from the depths of your subconscious up to the awareness of your conscious mind.

Get to know yourself.

This form of initial suffering, of struggle, is where transformation happens.

As with every challenge, once you overcome it you will find something beautiful. You will find yourself. You will begin to trust yourself, your intuition. Process.

Then, as you become comfortable with this process, circle back to what I initially discussed in this exploration. Consider your mission. It is no longer find food or shelter. You have the opportunity to fulfill a part of yourself that is unique and special to you. Then, acknowledging what you want to move towards, focus on the steps to get there, moving backwards.

Then say, what is in my control today, what is the first step I need to take. Let’s work towards this mission, not away from our trauma, or our past. Then, without overthinking, as Nike said best: Just. DO. It.

I believe we are all born on equal playing fields. We each have gifts, and we each have challenges. It is what we do with them that matters. One cannot compare oneself to another’s journey, that is like comparing Turkish Coffee to Biscuits. They may perhaps complement each other, but they are not the same. You have to accept where you are, in order to become who you are.